Anima: The Bird House Chapter 5
Nothing. When I reached between my legs, I found nothing. Just skin covered in light creamy white feathers. I searched further, trying to find something, anything down below. As I reached back, I found it got even weirder. Instead of my hand going past my legs and curing up, it went back further, almost sloping back instead of curving up my butt.
I kept softly running my fingers against the skin until I found something. As soon as I made contact with it, I pulled my hand away. The feeling was a combination of many things I’d felt before, but my mind could not think of exactly what it was. I walked back to the mirror on the wall; from my view, nothing looked different, except maybe a few extra feathers here and there. I wasn’t satisfied. I knew way more changed than I originally bargained for.
I tried turning around and lifting my tail. While I couldn’t raise it high enough from my standing position, it moved further and became more agile in all directions. Moving it felt more natural. I didn’t have to think as much to get it to sway to the side or to flare the feathers. It just kind of happened as soon as I put the slightest effort into it, similar to how moving your arm requires zero thought. The furthest I could move it upwards was to just above level with my butt, and I leaned forward and found that doing so also lifted my tail further.
So, I leaned forward until my eyes looked at my reflection. I was able to see this view only by looking between my knees. Once I was in this position, I tried lifting my tail again.
Feathers. That was all I saw; there was a slight divot in the middle but nothing visible in this sea of contour feathers. I reached back and felt the feathers, trying to find whatever was hiding underneath. I pushed the feathers aside and was able to get a glimpse. It was just a hole, not perfectly round, and indeed not human.
I stood up and lowered my tail. I turned around and stared at myself. I really had taken it too far. I allowed myself to change for convenience, but now I knew this was much worse, but at the same time, I couldn’t hide it forever and had to leave at some point.
I pulled out my phone and searched for ‘Hawk tail hole’, not knowing what to expect, but almost immediately, I saw the same word Rylie had mentioned. Cloaca. The page I found explained that it is a singular hole for all waste and reproductive systems. As Rylie put it, “The do everything hole,” which made sense now.
I started getting myself ready to walk to the AA house. I knew biking would not be an option, and I could not bring myself to call for a ride. I put on a clean t-shirt and grabbed a pair of basketball shorts, thinking they would be easiest to wear. I attempted to put the shorts on, working until they reached the top of my legs. With my rear reconfiguring itself, there was nowhere for the shorts to hold onto. Imagine putting on your pants but leaving your butt hanging out.
I tried to take a few steps, but the shorts would fall as soon as I let go. The reflection of myself looked just as ridiculous: A half man, half hawk, trying to put on pants. I gave up and decided today would also have to be my first pant’s free day. The first of many, as I didn’t think the chances of ever wearing pants again were very high.
The walk from my home to the AA house would take me around twenty minutes on foot. The sooner I left, the less busy it would be. Not to mention, I already felt like I was doing something wrong and illegal just going out half dressed.
So I started walking. Perhaps walking isn’t the best way to describe it. I was jogging to get out of the public as soon as possible. I was halfway there, near Bryant park, when I heard a car horn honk. It was off in the distance, but with me already on edge, I picked up the pace and got further away. Even if the honk was not for me, I’d rather not have been seen, to begin with.
After a solid fifteen minutes of fast walking/jogging, I was finally at the house. Now would be the flood of questions. You had just changed, so why would it have happened again? That question and many more were all I expected. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, opened the door, and was ready for the reactions.
But I heard nothing of the sort. I opened my eyes to see everyone standing around the couch in the main room. On the sofa were Benji and Damien. Benji appeared to be crying, and everyone around the couch was standing quietly. I stepped inside and walked towards the sofa. Immediately, I saw two things different about Benji and Damien. Damien’s half-arm, half-wings were now just fully feathered, fingerless wings. He held one folded to his side, and the other reached around Benji, its black and white feathers almost like a blanket around him.
Benji’s arms looked very similar to how Damien’s looked previously. Black feathers hung from his arms, and his hands were covering his face as he cried to himself. The feathers from his arms mostly covered the view of his torso. While Benji was still wearing a shirt, it was cut on the sides, making way for the feathers to hang unobstructed.
Damien whispered something to him, and Benji nodded in response. Damien looked up and made eye contact with me. His eyes glanced down at my lower half, and I saw them go wide for a second before looking back up at me. He looked at Rylie and made a gesture with his wing as he stood up. Rylie took his place, and he started walking towards me.
Coming in close, Damien whispered, “You all good, dude?”
I nodded, and he started walking towards the kitchen. He motioned for me to follow. We walked into the kitchen, and Damien closed the door, pushing it shut with an outstretched wing. He then neatly folded it back to his side.
“Man, quite a bit is going on here right now,” Damien said. “Benji, me, and now you.”
“Mine’s nothing, just a few more feathers is all,” I said back “Is everything ok with..”
“Benji? No,” Damien said before letting out a sigh. “Benji’s Mom passed away early this morning. We spent the night at the hospital and just got back here a little before you. He is pretty emotional right now, but that’s to be expected.”
“Damn. So his arms?”
“They changed quite a bit. Extreme emotions can push things along if you’re not careful,” Damien said before holding his wings up slightly. “It got the best of me too. Kid’s like a brother, and it sucks to see him like this.”
“Can you change them back?” I asked quietly.
“It would be a miracle. His changes were a few hours ago, and I was just after him. The chances these are going anywhere are pretty much nil,” Damien said, folding his wings tightly. “At least they are slightly more manageable now. No more knocking stuff over. Or picking things up in general,” he shrugged.
“I’m sorry dude,” I said, looking at his neatly folded wings.
“It’s no one’s fault. Benji needed me, and I got a little emotional. Just hate to see him like this,” Damien said. “But let’s talk about you for a second.”
“About what?”
“About what? You know, mister streaker,” Damien said, chuckling a bit. “Did that happen this morning?”
“Yeah. It just sort of happened,” I admitted, looking down at my new feathers.
“Yeah? No pants can be nice. It makes you feel light and free, right? Especially after yesterday,” Damien laughed, trying his hardest to get the mood somewhere happier.
“Yeah, my tail moves more, and I’m missing some… things, but that’s totally worth no pants,” I said sarcastically.
“Oh, you’re missing your…uhh,” Damien nodded his head down.
“It’s gone. Everything is weird down under. I’m not too excited about that..”
“Just wait til later. It gets weirder,” Damien said, winking. “The restroom is a trip the first few times.”
“Great, I’ll think of you when I go next time,” I said flatly.
“Usually, I skip most doctor trips, but you may want it this time. More may have changed than you think. The last thing you want is to get sick from eating the wrong stuff.”
Great.
“I think I need to get back with Benji. Please let me know if you need anything, yeah?” Damien said as he started to turn to the door. He outstretched a wing and batted at the door handle before it rocked down and unlatched.
I followed Damien to the main room, where he said something to Benji, and they both walked upstairs. Everyone just watched as they walked up the stairs, Damien holding a wing around Benji, before he rounded the corner and went out of sight. Shortly after, we heard a door closing.
“Fuck, what a thing to happen to ‘em,” Matthew said, shaking his head.
I looked from Matthew over to Rylie. She was peering down her shirt and had a slightly worried look.
“You ok, Ry?” Matthew asked.
She quickly stopped looking down and promptly responded, “Ya, I’m fine.”
Matthew turned to me. “What about you?”
“I’m doing fine. Just a few little changes this morning,” I said, trying to downplay my morning.
“Busy day, I guess, and we are just getting started,” Matthew said.
Rylie turned and started up the stairs. She moved quickly, and I heard the door shut loudly.
Matthew and I hung out for a bit. We talked about whatever came to our heads. A little bit about movies, a little bit about the news. Nothing major, but I did learn a few things about Matthew. He hates musicals and loves stop-motion movies, but he is pretty quiet about his personal life.
“I used to do news graphics. Did most of the graphic work for the local stations and papers. Even a few big ones, if you can imagine that,” Matthew said. “Was the best job I had, and I can’t even imagine trying it now.”
“Your hands are good, right? Why did you quit?” I asked him.
“I didn’t quit, but I did have to work with clients directly. They don’t always like paying the company money for an animal to do the work,” Matthew explained. “Tried remote, and it never worked right. So I was told I would be let go or I could leave. Leaving myself did grant me an exit bonus, so I did what I had to do.”
“Could you do freelance?” I asked him.
“Yeah, but the same issue remains. No one wants to hire a guy with a beak to do expensive art, and they just don’t like the idea of it,” Matthew said.
We heard the thumping of feet going down the stairs. Damien stepped out around the corner. His wings were tucked tight against his sides as he walked towards us. He walked to the couch, sat down hard, let his wings go limp, and sat with his head tilted back.
“What a day. Oh, what a day,” he said quietly.
“Tell me about it,” Matthew said back.
Damien’s head flicked up. “Heh. You got any changes to share?” Damien jokingly asked.
“I think I’m the only one who missed out today,” Matthew said as he crossed his leg.
“Consider yourself lucky then, mate. Haven’t changed in four months, and now I have no hands. Maybe I need the matching feet, yeah? You guys seem to pick things up fine with them,” Damien said jokingly.
“Picking things up? Yes. Doing anything that needs a lick of dexterity? No,” Matthew replied.
“Where’s Jeremy?” Damien asked.
Matthew looked around slowly. “Well, he was here a bit ago. He kinda just comes and goes at times, doesn’t really say anything before he leaves.” Matthew looked over to me. “Did you see him leave?”
“No, I think he left while Damien and I were talking. I think he didn’t like seeing Benji right now.”
“Sad to see Benji like this.” Matthew looked towards the stairs, “Dame, you think Benji is going to be alright?”
There was no response. Just silence as we waited for Damien to speak.
“Dame? Yo, Damien,” Matthew said again, waving his arm in Damien’s face.
I looked over to see Matthew sitting up, leaning toward Damien. Damien was just staring forward, unmoving, his eyes wide open, staring at nothing. Just a flat blank expression.
“You sleeping, dude?” Matthew said, louder this time.
Damien flicked his head back a bit and looked around quickly and frantically. His breathing picked up, and his eyes dilated for a moment.
“Woah, sorry. I think I dozed off there for a second,” Damien said, looking at Matthew. “Anyway, you were saying?”
“Oh, it was nothing, dude. Maybe you should get some sleep. You’ve been up all night and could probably use it,” Matthew said, sitting back in his chair.
“It’s one o’clock? I’ve gotten two hours of sleep in the last thirty-six hours,” Damien said, looking at the clock.
Damien got up and went upstairs. After a bit, Nash arrived, and Matthew and I brought him up to speed. We watched TV for a bit before Jeremy came in the front door. We tried to ask Jeremy where he ran off to, but never could get an answer. Rylie came back down but seemed to keep her distance. After hanging out and sitting around until six, I decided it was time to head home.
Nash gave me a ride and asked me all sorts of questions about this morning. I tried to tell him all I knew about Benji and Matthew, which was pretty limited second-hand information. He asked about my changes and what caused them, and I could only be vague and act like I didn’t know what caused them. We made it to my place, and Nash said his goodbyes.
I stepped in the door and was immediately greeted by my Mom. Without delay, the questions started.
When did it happen?
How did it happen?
Where did it happen?
She thought something was up ahead of time because of my discarded shorts in front of the living room mirror. I tried to give her some details, but I also didn’t want to say too much about what I found.
She, of course, looked at me from every angle she could. I kept my tail down and tried my hardest to hide the significant changes. But I quickly realized they would be evident if I ever sat down. Everything looked similar to before when I stood up, but sitting, in general, looked a bit different since I had less of a butt. So, the entire time I was downstairs, I was standing in hopes she wouldn’t notice or become suspicious.
There were only two places I could relax; in my bed and in the painful plastic folding chair. Day-to-day life at the AA House was much more manageable. For the most part, everything there was built or modified for a body like mine. I spent so much time there that maybe making the move wouldn’t be so bad. It would solve my transportation issues, living accommodations, and everyone is there already.
I brought up the idea to Mom. It didn’t go well, but I expected that from the start. She was upset that I wanted to move out, and I tried to explain that life would be easier for both of us, but nothing was helping, so I dropped it. I thought I’d eventually get her onboard, but I didn’t want to push things too quickly with her. Although I may see it one way, there is no way I could know how much it would hurt her.
The next few days were pretty much event free. I officially dropped out of my classes, had video calls with Kole, and was shuttled to the AA House almost daily. I was only ever home to sleep. Sometimes, I’d just crash on the couch at AA. Pretty much just getting into a routine.
I learned using the restroom with my new equipment was awful, albeit quick. Instead of having a one and a two, it was more of an all-at-once deal. Once I felt the need, I would just hold my tail end over the pot, lift my tail, and let it go. It was fast, but also didn’t have as much warning. Usually, I had a forty-second or so notice that it would happen. If I didn’t act in time, my body would do it involuntarily. I was told this could be from my body still adjusting to the changes. For some, it would take longer to control than others.
That led to a few very awkward accidents on the floor, and it happened once while I was in the yard. It was upsetting when it did happen, just feeling like another part of my human self was gone, but at least I still could speak and hold things. This was just an inconvenience compared to those.
Thursday rolled around, and I, of course, went to the AA house. Everyone was getting used to the new changes. Benji was still working through things, but was starting to return to his usual self, at least on the outside. His hands were still usable, but now a large wall of black feathers hung from his arms. Damien’s wings were almost always kept folded to his sides. A white line of feathers ran from his cheek, down his neck, and to his folded wings. The line met with the white feathers on the bottom half of his wings when unfolded.
All of us, except for Riley, were sitting at the table in the main room and were attempting to play cards, but Nash and Damien were acting more like a team with Nash playing his own hand and helping Damien with his cards. The cards were held using a book placed behind a metal ruler. While Damien couldn’t move them, he could tell Nash which to play.
“I pick green,” Benji said after playing a black card.
Matthew drew a card from the pile. “Go yellow next time!” He said, looking at Benji.
Nash laid down a draw-two card and reached for the draw pile.
“The one on the far right,” Damien said. Nash paused with his hand above the draw pile and looked at him confused, so Damien repeated, “The card on the far right, play it.”
Nash pulled the card from the right and looked at it. “So four to Jeremy then?” He said as he laid down another draw-two on the pile.
Jeremy’s head cocked back, then pointed to the card, shaking his head in disagreement. He looked at Damien and motioned to draw a card with his hand.
“Can I not stack cards?” Damien asked, and Jeremy shook his head. “No, I’m pretty sure I can stack draw-two’s.” Damien looked around for us to give confirmation.
“I’ve always played where you can,” Benji said, “but you can’t stack draw-twos on draw-fours.”
“I don’t think that’s a real rule,” Matthew said as he looked for the box on the ground.
“I’ve always played where you have to draw two, but you can play a draw-two right after,” I said, shrugging.
“Like if you drew one?” Damien asked me, “Because that does not make sense.”
“Is this the new spicy food thing?” Matthew asked jokingly. “It wasn’t spicy, by the way.”
“What are you going on about?” Nash asked.
Matthew pulled out a small paper rule book and started searching for it. “We ordered takeout. Lyall and Rylie thought the food was spicy, and it didn’t have any spice when we tried it.”
Nash laughed. “Who’s we? You know you probably can’t taste the spice bird boy. If you’ve got a beak, you probably have a different tongue. Birds can’t taste the spice.”
Matthew interrupted. “Ha! It says you can’t stack cards!”
Damien chuckled “Well, it’s wrong! Nash, pull two for me,” Nash drew two cards and placed them in front of him.
Jeremy played his turn, and it was to me. I drew a card and it was now to Benji. He went to draw a card and reached over the table. In doing so, his feathers pushed my drink across the table, but luckily the can was empty. In a quick motion, Benji pulled his arm back, and the feathers once again caught the can and pushed it entirely off the table.
“Sorry! He said, pulling his arms close to his body. “The damn things.”
“It’s no problem, dude. It was empty anyway,” I said to him, while reaching for the can.
The game kept going until it got to Nash. “Red,” he said, laying down a black card. We all looked at Damien, who was just staring forward at the deck. We all waited for his next move, but he just slightly turned his head to look sideways.
“You got a red?” Nash asked him. But Damien didn’t say anything. “You alright, Dame?” His head turned the other way, facing one eye to Nash. “Damien, you having an episode?”
His eyes dilated, then he flicked his head a bit. He looked at the table, confused. “What?” he said, looking at the cards.
“Red, the card is red, and it’s your turn,” Nash said. “You feeling ok?”
“Yeah, just got lost there for a second.” He looked down at the cards lined up. “Uhh, third from the left.”
“That’s the second time this week,” Nash said while pulling a card from the line and playing it for Damien. “You sure it isn’t something else?”
“I’m fine, just a bit tired, is all,” Damien said.
“You’ve been saying that for three days now. I’m sure you have slept enough. You should get checked out. Maybe it’s-” Nash said before Damien interrupted him.
“It’s nothing! Changing wouldn’t make me space out. I’m just tired and maybe a little stressed,” Damien looked at me. “Did you get checked out recently?”
“No, at least not yet,” I answered.
“Damien, you shouldn’t be askin’ others to go if you won’t,” Nash laughed.
“What, so they can say I have wings? I wish I’d known my hands were gone,” Damien said sarcastically.
There was a thud as Jeremy hit the table. Everyone turned quickly to look at him, and he held up a single finger with one hand and a single card in the other.
“Uno?” Benji asked. To which Jeremy quickly nodded.
The last turn played out with Jeremy winning. The cards were collected, and everyone split off. Damien walked up the stairs, and I followed him up.
“Damien, can we talk?” I asked as he was opening his door.
“Oh uhh yeah,” he said, closing his door.
“In private?”
Damien looked at the door. “Uh, sure.”
I followed him in and shut the door. Inside was his room like I had been in before, but this time it was different. Before, his room wasn’t perfectly clean, but it was quite a mess this time. Random things were strewn about, and his bed was stripped except for a haphazardly placed blanket.
“So, what’s up?” he asked, sitting down.
I sat down on the rounded chair. “I wanted to ask about you, and something seems to be up with you recently,” I said to him.
“Like what?” he said, his voice sounding slightly different.
“You keep spacing out, your room is like this, and you seem to be a bit more snappy,” I said to him. “Something is different.”
He closed his eyes and sighed. “Between you and me right now, right?”
“Sure, spill it,” I said to him.
He spoke in a quieter voice. “I think I’m going crazy. I keep spacing out, and when I see things, I hear thoughts.”
“Hear thoughts?” I asked him.
“I hear thoughts that are not mine. I can’t make them out, but it’s always at the same time as me spacing out. I don’t know if I’m narcoleptic or something,” he said, rubbing his face with the joints of his wings.
“Do you feel like you’re falling asleep?”
“No. When I come back, I don’t feel tired. I just feel lost. When I sleep at night, I have these weird dreams and wake up to either me stripped or my bed stripped,” Damien said, looking at the floor.
“Earlier, you were looking around at whoever spoke to you, then you woke up confused. Could it be something with you cha-” I started to say before I was interrupted.
“It can’t be my changes, and I’m not far enough for mental stuff. That’s the last to happen. It has to be something else,” Damien said quickly, almost defensively.
“It has to be something. This can’t just be normal.”
“Maybe it’s just stress. Maybe I just need a nap or to relax or something. Life has been a bit stressful with everything happening,” He started trying to kick his shoes off using only his feet.
“Here, let me see them. I’ll pull them off,” I said, holding my hand out.
“Don’t touch the socks, though. I need them on,” Damien said, lifting a foot up.
I grabbed a shoe and pulled. Off came the shoe, and the sock partially came off. Damien quickly put his foot down and looked at me. His crest was standing tall as he looked at me.
“So, the other one?” I said, holding my hand out. Damien reached his foot up, and I pulled the shoe off. Again the sock came partially off with it. This time though, I saw a glimpse of something dark gray under the sock. Before he could put his foot down, I grabbed it with my free hand and peered at the skin under his pant leg.
Black scaly skin covered his leg. I could tell by the look of it that it had a rough, dry texture. I saw his leg last week, the morning he returned to the house with Benji. At that time, his skin was plain and smooth with no signs of changes.
“That’s new, right?” I asked him.
“What are you talking about?” he asked, pulling his leg free and setting it down.
“Your legs, Damien. When did they change? They looked fine a few days ago,” I said to him.
“Take them off for me,” Damien gestured down at his socks as he lifted his feet up. I pulled both the socks off, and saw his feet were entirely covered in rough black skin. He then stood up and unbuttoned his pants with the flick of a wing tip, dropping them to reveal the skin was the same all the way up until about five inches above the knee. Above that point, it was a smooth but darker color.
“Between us, man,” Damien said, looking me dead in the eyes, “two days ago, I had an episode, and when I came too, they were like this.”
“Episode as in spacing out?” I asked
“Yeah, it seems if someone isn’t there to wake me… this happens,” Damien said, gesturing to his legs. “At least, that’s all I can think of.”
“Is your mind doing it? Why would your own head do it to you?”
“I think my mental changes are here,” Damien started breathing quicker. “I think I’m sharing my mind with it.”
“With what? What do you mean?” I asked him.
“Each time I space out, I have these thoughts. They aren’t like words, but rather feelings. Feelings that are not human, that I can tell,” Damien said as he started pacing. “I think I’m changing because the bird’s instinct influences it. The more I change, the more influence it has,” he said, looking at me worried.
“It’ll be fine, and we will find a way around it. Maybe we just need to find out what triggers it,” I said, trying to reassure him.
Damien looked at me, shaking a bit. The first time I had ever seen Damien worried to this extent.
“I don’t know if I can stop it. I’m losing myself.”